Pissy short rant journal, you can ignore if you don't care.

Honestly-it seems like everyone is a total dickhead. I just seem to be throwing out my rights to be left alone and treated with respect when I leave my room. They judge me, they offend me, they hate me. And you see why I'm such a sociophobe...because I'm afraid I'll be outcast. And I already am...and it's times like this that makes me even more fearful of people. I have no one on my side-I'm all alone and stuff.

Tonight for an example-we had a power outage. And I went downstairs to the lobby where everyone was at. We joked, we socialized, we had a good time. Well until some dope was begging for a smoke from a friend. And she was refusing to give him a cigarette, until one of his buddies gave him a smoke. As he headed out the door, I told him to smoke away from the building NEUTRALLY and he lashed out and yelled at me "HEY YOU DON'T WORK HERE! YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO FAG!" and my response was "Anyway...you know the rules. Follow them." Then he was like "You want to fight?" and of course...his attitude had offended me, so I replied "O yeah...bring it on!" So we were throwing threats at each other until my RA friend broke us up and I claimed we were just joking (which was what I thought at the time) But then that dickshit claimed he wasn't joking...that he was gonna assault me. So we argued and finally when going outside, he called me a "fucking bloody faggot," and I, defensively, called him a "pisshead fucking dickface."

Things mellowed out soon but then he made a return trip inside, begging for my friend for another smoke and like before, she refused. And after a few minutes of begging, all the lights were back on and I was happy and excited the lights were back so I could get back to painting. And of course, I was yelling "YES! THE POWER'S BACK ON!" And, wtf was his problem? He told me to shut the fuck up, and I asked him why, and he yelled "Because you're loud." WTF? So was he! Everyone was! Plus I cannot be blamed that I'm loud! I'm partially deaf so to be able to hear myself talking, I need to speak up. I cannot hear myself or have others hear me when I mumble or speak softly. Once again I was offended and we argued again until the RA broke us up. Then he left to his room and said to be "You're really fucked up bigtime, fag."


I feel really offended by this asshole. First of all I hadn't done anything to him, just asked him to not smoke near my bedroom window since people, even though it's a fire and health hazard, will smoke near the dorms and the smoke will come in my dorm and I'll feel sick. And yet he took that like I wanted to pick a fight with him. Also when he claimed he wasn't joking and will fight, I also felt offended because I am a cripple-since my bad fall and sprain, my ankle is still iffy and I need to walk with a cane for support. Suppose if I get assaulted, my ankle my give in and I'll be hurt again. Man-seeing how this guy is, I now feel unsafe. Now I'll have to keep on eye out on him because I'm now afraid he may actually hurt me.

I'm sorry...I guess I'm really sick enough in the head. And no...do not tell me I'm in the wrong too just be I gotten offended and argued. If you've been bullied all through childhood and had learned and decided you won't be taking shit from anyone later in life, you'll probably be like this.

with much love from